My Redheads shook their heads and gave me that "silly Mum" look when I told them that as soon as I finished my last scan yesterday, I threw the nuclear medicine doors wide open and ran down the long hallway to the waiting room where Dave was doing Sudoku and waiting for me.
Once the doors closed behind me and it was just me in that long, hollow corridor, I couldn't help but throw up my arms, say "YES!" from the very depths of my soul, and then sprint out of there.
From the waiting room we decided that waiting was for the birds, rolled the dice, passed Go and went to collect the X-rays and reports.
I will cut to the chase and say that while we haven't talked to my oncologist yet and gotten her professional opinion and official word, the reports clearly say that from head to toe and inside-out, there is no evidence of metastatic disease in me! God has truly had mercy on me. By His wounds I am healed. Amen.
Dem bones be me
Dem bones be cancer free!
Dem bones be dancing
Like the Hand of God be upon me,
Doing a jig to Ezekiel's tune
That he sang in the Valley of the Dry Bones.
Dem bones dance for Him.
1) My blood tests came back normal. White blood count down a bit, but no biggie. Liver and kidney function normal despite all those chemo cocktails.
2) My Muga Scan came back normal. There has been some decrease in the left ventricular wall motion but it is still within normal limits.
3) My whole bone scan came back normal. No evidence of skeletal metastatic disease.
a) It also says that my kidneys appear grossly normal. Not sure what that means or if I should be offended. Seriously, grossly? (A little sidebar, to my kidneys: I don't think you are gross at all. I think you rock. The way you took one for the team and tackled the chemo cocktails I downed... Well done. I'm proud of you. But mostly, thank you.)
4) My CT Scan of my head came back with no evidence of intracranial metastases.
a) I'd like to point out that in case anyone was wondering, it said, and I quote, "The post contrast images demonstrate no abnormal areas...." Just saying.
b) It also said that IACs (whatever they are) are normal bilaterally. No mention of bi-polar. Again, just saying.
5) My CT Scan of my chest and lungs came back with no evidence of metastatic disease in the chest. Thyroid gland appears normal. Lungs are clear except for some scarring from some past infection, no biggie.
6) My CT Scan of my abdomen and pelvis came back with no evidence of metastatic disease. It also mentioned something about a stable appearance of the abdomen and pelvis. I figure this is why I can't belly dance.
a) There is a lesion on my liver that was there a year-and-a-half ago when I did all the pre- chemo scans. It appears to have remained stable, most consistent with a cyst. Otherwise, my liver appears normal.
b) No abnormality in the gallbladder, spleen, adrenals, kidneys or pancreas.
c) This one may be TMI, but the freaking report said that my uterus appears unremarkable. Not gonna lie, this one did hurt my feelings. And my Redheads said it was an awesome womb, just not very well lit. So boom, roasted.
At this point I could say "The End", but there really wasn't any specific mention of my tail bone. Besides, to me it really feels more like flipping back to the beginning and starting over, a whole new "Once Upon a Time..."
So obviously "The End" doesn't work here and thus this tale ends up without a tail. Like Eeyore, but not melancholy about it.